5 Steps to Nailing Your Negotiation
During a recent coaching conversation, my client was recounting the woes she had experienced when attempting to ask for a promotion. She loves her job, but after having spent a number of successful years gaining more responsibility, she was feeling grossly underpaid and didn’t have the faintest idea how to ask for a raise. She would rather talk about it than actually act on it. Sound familiar?
Negotiating for oneself is often the toughest task: we are more willing and able to fight for others than for ourselves. Look around, and you will see that in action all the time. I came across a fantastic talk with Dr. Ashleigh Shelby Rosette on HBR’s Women at Work podcast, which I highly recommend. What struck me was the simplicity with which she broke down how to negotiate with grace, or at least with a little more understanding of what a successful negotiation is all about.
Women in particular tend to underestimate negotiation — and yet we do our homework and preparation in so many other areas of our lives. Negotiation seems to be the task we spend the least amount of time on or leave until the last minute — and at that point, it just becomes an overwhelming frustration. Here is a simple guide that deals with the practical (head) and the emotional (heart) of negotiation.
Validate your vision:
First things first: treat your negotiation like a project and take the time to write down your goal. The goal needs to come to life — not just exist in your head — so develop a planning document (yes, a document!) where you can actually map out your goals fully, as well as any alternatives to the negotiation outcome.
Questions are your answers:
Answer these gems:
What are the top three issues?
What is the ideal target I would like to walk away with?
What is the least amount I am willing to accept?
If it doesn’t work out, what am I going to do?
The last question is, in my humble opinion, the most important one: identifying a back-up plan before you start negotiating helps avoid a mid-meeting meltdown.
What others want:
Something to also pay attention to is what the opposite party might want — your manager, for example. Put yourself in the other person/people’s head(s), and write down what their viewpoints might be (e.g. status quo).
Meet in the middle:
Continue thinking about the other person’s interest: where might you be on equal footing? People tend to negotiate on positions — I want this, you want that — but focusing on the why will also give you some insights. Get curious from their point of view. Ask yourself: what does the other party want, and why is that important to them? While a negotiation is about you, it’s also about them, so try not to take it personally when the other side wants something that differs from your desire/perspective. Do your homework to get ahead of the conversation.
Check your emotions:
Now for the emotional component: this negotiation likely holds weight for you, which means that emotions might surface that might not be of service to you in the setting. If at all possible, practice ahead of time with a friend on the phone or Zoom so that you’re prepared for any emotions bubbling up. Practice does indeed make perfect.
Ultimately, there is no shortcut to negotiating. If you truly want a successful outcome, you need to think it through. As Dr. Rosette says: “a good negotiator is a prepared negotiator.” If you leave the conversation knowing that you delivered your side with preparation, thoughtfulness, and determination, then you can walk away from the negotiation feeling accomplished — even if you have to meet in the middle along the way.
With joy,
