Only the (not so) Lonely

One of the major obstacles of any transition is the in-between: being suspended between the land of the known and the mysterious, often unsettling part of what’s to come. In that realm, there is no security, and likely no one has gone before you (in the exact same way that you are going to embark on your journey).

In speaking with women who have successfully made the leap to pursue their professional ambition — whether to start a new job, transition to a different industry, or take on a top tier role — a point that many brought up was loneliness. As they were making a brave move, multiple women experienced a feeling of not belonging to a particular place: loneliness, coupled with a sense of loss.

People fear loss far more than change, and this fear exacerbates feelings of loneliness. Women spoke of missing the established connections they had been used to over the years, which is a common form of mourning one’s earlier work. Even if we are keen to make the move, change is still unsettling at best.

And for those taking bold steps to the top, research by HBR found that half of company leaders interviewed felt lonely at the peak. Loneliness can show up at every step along your professional journey, whether new to the job or at the top of your game.

So what can you do about it?

Say it IS so.

The reality is that this feeling of loneliness is a perfectly normal state of being. Normalizing your experience and understanding that it is fleeting can take some of the strain away.

Prep before you make a move.

If you know that you do not do well figuring things out solo, start exploring communities that can help you with the transition, whether online or in person. Take advantage of panel discussions; listen to podcasts (e.g. Brave Transitions or Tandem Nomads) to get inspiration from other women’s career journeys. If you are exploring joining a new organisation: read up about their culture, review articles by employees, and follow their recruitment approach. See if you can connect with anyone who works there. If you’re stepping into a new role, seek out peers (externally might make for a better perspective).

Ask and ye shall receive.

While asking puts one in a vulnerable position — because what would possess you to reveal that you don’t know?! —  all of the women I interviewed asked something of someone while they were making a change. The kind of knowledge you likely need lies in other people’s heads, so pluck up your luck and ask for help.

Rewind your mind.

Most importantly: this is likely not the first time you’re experiencing a bout of loneliness. Recall a time when you felt lonely before, and think about the moves you made to overcome a difficult period. What did you do specifically, whom did you reach out to, and what was most impactful?

Ultimately, It’s all in the preparation; build yourself a net so that you can fly without the fear of falling.

With joy,