Leading Others is like Sunday Dinner: 5 Ways to Lead with Consideration and Inclusion

One of the toughest jobs as a leader is trying to appease and please everyone all the time.

It’s a bit like making dinner for the whole family: trying to account for everyone’s allergies, dislikes, portion sizes, etc. It takes a lot of time and effort — and sometimes you spend hours putting together a plate that you think everyone will like, and everyone at the table complains.

One of my dear friends recently shared her dilemma with trying to make a delicious ‘meal’ for her team — also known as building a pleasant, inclusive work environment. What she found was that no matter what, there were still people who just wanted to push the food around the plate: complain, but not contribute. It’s a big challenge to get people to appreciate decisions, understand the reasoning behind changes, and also take on shared responsibility to make the culture better for everyone on the team.

So, how do you shift to a culture where people feel encouraged to speak up and voice their concerns, but not just complain? Here are some tips that we discussed:

Make Decisions Your Mission

Explain the different kinds of decision-making to your team, and clarify that not all decisions are consensus-based. There is an excellent online library of tools for better thinking that you might find useful in approaching decision-making.

Listen Up, Buttercup

People easily get caught up in their own stories and patterns, spending more time talking than resolving. As a leader, there are times for using active listening skills: this helps people feel encouraged and heard. You don’t have to provide all the answers — sometimes it’s worth stating that the concerns have been heard, what can be addressed will be, and what cannot will remain as is. Not everything must get solved, just like not all food on the plate gets eaten!

Bust a Boost 

Work on creating the positive culture you want, and then use that to address negativity. The primary reason why people leave jobs is because of their managers — not salary! How does that inform the culture you want to create? Identifying the root cause on a case by case basis is useful and effective. 

Break It Down

Apply Kim Scott’s approach of radical candor: caring deeply and challenging directly to get to the bottom of things. For example, pick a conversation entry point. Wherein does the issue lie: in the culture, community, or company? (This is just one example.) For each layer, spend time exploring the root cause. 

Keep the Pace

Your role is not to make everyone happy. You are there to provide guidance and leadership in a setting conducive to ensuring people can work at their best capacity. But this means different things to different people: so your job is to set the pace and expectation, in consideration of different employees’ skill sets. Let them know the plan and the route, and look back to make sure they are coming along with the group and no one is getting left behind.

 Ultimately, a meal is an opportunity to gather community. While the food plays a huge role and you can adjust to many people’s tastes, it’s never going to be perfect for everyone. However, what you can most certainly explore is how you manage interactions — because food is ultimately about connection and belonging. People crave an environment where they feel part of that organisation and are not just left to do the dishes.

So lead with these five, and by all means — instead of stressing about making the meal for everyone, have each person bring a dish.

with joy,

Dr. Helen