Unmute Yourself: How to Elevate Your Presence in Work and Life

“I don’t like to speak up unless I have formulated my thoughts perfectly.”

“I don’t think I know enough to make a contribution.”

“I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

 Why do we hesitate to speak up? From not taking an active part in a meeting to not voicing one’s opinion in the room, I’ve heard any combination of these three reasons for why women hesitate to step forth — including myself! 

Studies show that public speaking is almost as feared as death, so it's no wonder that many of us aren’t ready to pipe up. But staying on mute does a disservice to women everywhere if we want to pave the way forward, and it also perpetuates a negative cycle of staying in the background. In forums both large and small — from meetings at the office to public arenas — we need to hear women’s voices and perspectives.

Here are three approaches to help ‘unmute’ yourself and own your presence in the room: 

Scenario 1: “I don’t like to speak up unless I have formulated my thoughts perfectly.”

While we would all like to have a perfectly rehearsed contribution, the reality is that practice is the only surefire way to get to that point. Even then, formulating a speech in advance doesn’t solve for the natural cadence of conversation, which is — on many occasions — irregular and surprising. The most effective way to take part in a forum or meeting is to do research and come prepared: to gather the facts but leave room for interpretation in the moment. (Need to understand large chunks of data? Use AI. Need to share your insights on a topic? Listen to a podcast or thought leader; there is always someone who has the knowledge you’re seeking.) The point is to condense information in a way that feels natural to you. Find an angle that you are comfortable with and explore that piece, then identify some talking points.

I personally like to follow the rule of three: people have an easier time understanding concepts and ideas in groups of three. If you want to contribute to a conversation, thinking of three things might prove helpful in formulating your thoughts ahead of time and giving you structure in the moment.

Scenario 2: “I don’t think I know enough to make a contribution.”

Everyone has something to add to a conversation. If you’re struggling to come up with an original thought, you can always echo someone else’s contribution or add an additional perspective to what has already been said. For example: “I thought the way Sheila outlined the issue demonstrated XYZ and my additional insight would be to XYZ.”

If all else fails, simply say, “I’m not familiar with that aspect/approach/reasoning. I will look into it and learn something new!” Verbalizing that you’re willing to learn shows that you’re engaged in the conversation regardless. 

Scenario 3: “I don’t want to embarrass myself.”

Your brain is already sorting out the worst case scenario, but the reality is usually far from your imaged fear. (You may have heard of the F.E.A.R. acronym: false emotions appearing real.) Spotlight Theory is when you think that all eyes are on you, but that’s generally not the case — most people are busy in their own heads, sorting through their own thoughts. 

In this case, having an awareness of what’s going on around you might help provide context and perspective. Ask yourself: How much will my contribution to this conversation matter six months from now? Zoom out and watch yourself. 

Practice with friends about random, low key issues so they can give you feedback and encouragement in a safe space. While feeling embarrassment is uncomfortable (and no one likes it!), we all need to learn how to navigate those internal fears in order to get outside our comfort zones more often.

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As Sally Helgersen outlines in her 12 Habits Holding You Back, women have a tendency to minimize themselves. Staying in the background might feel easier than facing your fears — but what is the cost of muting yourself? The more we all get comfortable with speaking up, we can open doors for each other to step into more spaces of conversation. Let’s amplify our voices so that we can be heard.   

For more tips on getting your voice out in meetings, check out this blog.